The Artist’s journey: The Underworld
The Alma Writer #8: An article originally published on Substack
I remember a time when I wouldn’t dare declare myself a writer.
I remember a time when I was comparing myself negatively to artists around me, while deep down longing to be part of their family.
I remember a time when ideas were flying through me, past me and onto the void, and when I found myself unable to catch them or rewild them.
I remember a time when finishing writing a book was a wild and distant idea, let alone having it read by anyone or published.
I remember a time when none of what is happening in the past few years of my creative life would have been even remotely thinkable or imaginable, even if it inhabited my subconscious fantasies.
And yet, here, now, we are, where, when all opposites have become true. For it to come about, I had to journey to the underworld, and let myself come out of it.
Journey to the Underworld
I believe artists - and it can also apply to those creating their lives as works of art, to healers, to witches, to entrepreneurs, to journeyers of lives and souls - all descend into the underworld at one point of their artistic lives, finally answering the call of the muse, aching for soul and art, reluctantly and cravingly searching for truth and light, meeting shadows at every corner they turn. It may take different shapes, it may look more or less drastic, some may linger there longer than others, or face apparently darker shadows, it may have been traversed a long time ago in teenagehood, or the artist appears to journey back and forth in and out of it… (because after all, being an artist means being able to navigate and become comfortable in the journeys into invisible worlds, in the underworld of ourselves and the collectives, in the highest spheres too, to go in and out of those worlds and bring to the surface and to art witnesses, lessons, emotions, testimonies, ideas and beauty, from the light and shadows, from contrasts and polarities.
Creating art, creating one’s life, creating a business, choosing a path of healing, choosing an untrodden path is vulnerable, and will, in countless ways, feel unsafe to the ego, to the rational mind, to our many insecurities and blind corners, and perhaps to many people around us. But descending into the underworld is walking the path of the soul, following the call, the muse, in what appears to be blind faith into the unknown.
Once on the path, that you may have refused for decades for this very reason, shadows, fears, shame, judgement, feelings and thoughts you didn’t think you could ever have start to pop up in every corner of your life, of your time, and of your art and craft. There might be then a strong will to retreat, to not keep going, to turn back, to make sure it’s worth it before we carry on, to not want to effort your way through it, to not want to face what needs to be faced, to not be in the messy darkness and chaos of creation. But alas, if you do decide to retreat - and it is always your choice and decision - the call may never truly leave, but only fade away in your subconscious, creating a new brand of unease, pain and discomfort, from deep within. The suffering of its absence will not recede. Descending won’t be comfortable either, oh no far from it, but is there any other true choice to the soul?
My own journey to the underworld
My own artistic underworld was made of shame, of fears, of chaos and drama, of impossibilities, of failures and fake attempts, of blaming and escaping, of pretending to feel good to stay small, of financial precarity, of seeking validation, of abandoning projects, of choosing the wrong projects, of not being willing to take a step back, to assess, rather than choose truth and authenticity.
I wrote a first book, torn between a message and seeking validation through traditional publishing and my travel blogging readership. I never finished, submitted proposals to 3 publishing houses, and gave up after 3 rejections.
I wrote screenplays, and shyed away from them after rejections and bad feedbacks from contests.
I started countless books and never gave them the time of day. I had thousands of ideas, but never followed through, because they were a fix, more than a true call from my soul. I was looking outside, rather than accepting the descent into the underworld and my own inner self.
I created a second creative business, after retiring from a first one and failed. I had nights of crying, days of complaints and frustrations, years of paralysis, a few failures under the belt when I even tried to put myself out there, many heartaches, many twists and turns in my own underworld that had been calling for years.
And finally, one day I answered the call, decided to be all in, to trust the descent and the unknown, because there was no other choice. It doesn’t mean it was easy, nor that I was always willing after a first decision, nor that I didn’t fight it some more. It means that slowly, I learned to trust the descent, the underworld, the knowings, the teachings, the challenges and obstacles that were meant to be on my path, all the while holding the faith that another way of being, creating and moving through the world was possible.
And one day, after many trials and errors, I understood that getting back out of the underworld was a matter of surrender and choice. That I could decide to not be in the thick of it anymore. That I could surrender to life and the universe in complete faith. That I could choose to navigate in and out of the underworld, without being trapped in the drama of it. That I was the only one trapping myself in it. But that’s another story for another letter. Today, I wanted to share a few notes to possibly bring some light onto how to navigate your own artistic underworld and path, no matter where you are in the journey
A few tips and ideas to bear in mind while journeying through the underworld
First, become aware if you are in your own version of your creative underworld, or if you are waiting in its antichamber, throwing a fit, wishing to, but unable to answer the call of the muse.
Make the decision to believe and trust that living a fulfilling creative journey is possible for you. Yes, it’s start with a decision FROM YOU to believe something different is possible.
Try and remember that each time you face a creative challenge, obstacle or rejection, you are in fact learning to face your shadows, your fears and becoming the artist and creative god-dess you are meant to be.
Your underworld, your process, your path, your success is your own and trying to do it like another person might delay and hinder your path. Follow your own path and truth, and slowly and steadily learn to recognise what is for you and what is a distraction from your own path. We are all different and that’s what is your strength as an artist.
However, learning from other creatives and artists about their process, their struggles, their journeys, how they navigate it and find their way through it, is probably one of the most helpful, reassuring thing to do while you are going through it. Like-minded community is a gift. Big up to Elisabeth Gilbert of course, and her dialogues with Fear, and to all the writers that shared their journeys no matter which stage they were at.
Learn how to make space to the voice of the ego, of fears and insecurities, that it doesn’t define the whole of you and that you don’t have to listen or follow what it says.
Instead, learn how to connect to the other voice, the kind and compassionate one, the voice of your soul, of your muse, your art, of your higher self, of your future self and to listen to that one, especially at the first stages of your creative process. This will be an essential practice in the development of your art.
Always come back to your why: craft it, connect to it and remember it, especially when you are going through darker times.
Develop your capacity to take self-responsibility of your choices, reactions and emotions to be able to hold the ups and downs that will come with your journey.
Most probably one of the most important one: take care of yourself while you go through the journey. You can’t create from an empty cup and if your force your inner artist or are a “bad boss” to your innermost creative, you’ll resent yourself and your art. It’s about the long-term, and not about instant results and productivity.
Follow your weird, your interests, even if they may seem strange, unrelated or completely out-of-the-blue. There might be a reason you are called to it or it might simply be fun, and that’s what your creativity needs right now to open more. I’m currently learning about astrology and it gives me so much joy to play with it.
Trust your soul, your intuition, your light, your passions, your dreams and delusions, more than the fears, the “buts”, what non-artists, non-doers may say about your journey. They haven’t been on it, they speak from fear rather than experience.
Build a community of compassionate creatives, artists, entrepreneurs who don’t judge, criticise or put road-blocks on your journey.
Get support in the form that is helpful for you: therapy, mentorship, coaching, books, communities, feedback groups, etc.
And when it’s time, follow the trust, the soul, the light that guide you back out of the underworld and let yourself step out out of it. You don’t have to be in it to know it and make art. Being a tortured artist to succeed is a myth and creating from a place of deep knowledge of yourself and the underworld, sovereignty and faith is powerful.
What helped me navigate the path so far on this journey is several years of deep inner work via therapy, coaching, spirituality, shamanism, journalling and practical applications in real life. My introspective work was often focused on the area of creativity and arts, but not only, because all domains of our lives communicate, and inform each other. Learning in one will necessarily help you on your creative journey, even if you’re not conscious of it. The underworld puts all areas of your life under review. For example, money and relationship shadow work have as much to say about your relationship to your arts and creativity than about money and relationships.
A few sources of comfort, guidance and reflection that have helped me in the underworld throughout:
Amie McNeed: her Instagram, her courses and community Inspired Collective
Elizabeth Gilbert: Big Magic and the associated podcast.
Learning about my life purpose and the Dharma Coaching Institute, as well as through a soul remembering in shamanism
Getting connected to my inner voice, through the work of Bella Lively
Learning about self-mastery and responsibility via Bryana Dee’s work
Learning about my money relationship and energetics, starting with Chelsey Jo Huntsman
My own creative underworld has been one of a few years, and as much light and peace I could foresee, as much faith I gained, allowing me to always go deeper into my own underworld. Today, I can reflect back on years that were hard, but so art-giving, life-giving, a process of integrating lessons, so that I could become the artist who can create, hold, nurture the art and success I want to create. A fearful, validation-seeking version of me couldn’t hold the process and the work I’m doing now. But this past me who went through the underworld is the one who can finish the novel in process.
Why go through the underworld when it seems to only be a journey through rough seas?
To me, even if I had no guarantee, not necessarily any practical rewards throughout the journey, and even if it took several years, I was always convinced, that peace and fulfilment were on the other side of it all: a deep-seated inner peace and satisfying creative journey, that would one day bring rewards, success in physical matter (and my own wild success is mine and doesn’t have to look like what others imagine it to be). Because on the other side of my underworld, I knew there would be a satisfying creative, soulful and artistic life, and that I would have learned so much about myself and improved my relationships, the quality of my life and the way I handled life issues and joys. On the other side, was, is faith, trust, truth, connection, self-mastery and empowerment, the most beautiful and bright reward of all. And yes, it was worth all the years spent in the underworld. I don’t regret any of them, even if some were really bitter lessons. My goal, my hope, my faith, always were to live a satisfying, joyful and artful creative life and life. And that’s where I am, on the other side of the underworld. Until a next jaunt, maybe. But for now, I’ll enjoy the rewards of this deep healing underworld creative journey, from the inner to the outer world and physical matter.
We’ll talk about the other side, the bright side, in future letters. Your creative future is bright. And I can’t wait to write it alongside you.
My inspiration for this letter come from the musings on The Underworld in Initiated, Memoir of a witch by, Amanda Yates Garcia.
I can support you in your underworld journey through Shamanic Healing, a soul remembering or other shamanic ceremonies. You can find out more here.